Saturday, January 23, 2021

Weight loss, My goal was always 150 :

Weight loss, My goal was always 150
When this journey started for me, 807 days ago...I decided I wanted to be very transparent about this adventure.  Because I was determined to make this happen. After 29 years I was READY.
I was already running my successful business and was no stranger to being open and honest on the internet. Honestly? I feel as though my purpose is to inspire and motivate others. I quickly realized that weight loss ( especially extreme weight loss) has a HUGE impact on mental health and I wanted to bring awareness to that, because I don't feel as though its talked about enough.
Over the course of these 807 days (minus 60-90 days or so over last summer) my goal has been to transform and lose weight. I've done that. I've ran miles. I've worked out for hours. I've fallen in love with fitness. ( and its also became something my husband and I did together daily ❤ ) Annnnd then I injured myself in the process. ( talk about a cruel life joke)
I've also looked into the mirror and liked what I saw for the first time in my life. Why? Because of my hard freaking work. Because of my efforts with proper nutrition and exercise. The change is addicting. The change is empowering. Seeing what your capable of and watching your body actually CHANGE because of what you are doing? Its the best feeling in the world. ( i fully understand why body builders do that they do)

But there comes a time where the losing has to end. We can't melt away to nothing obviously. And deciding when that time is? ITS FREAKING HARD.
My goal was always 150. Ive got as low as 159 and now my body sits between 160 and 165. Is this super awesome? Hell yes it is. and dont get me wrong....IM SO DAMN PROUD. But the person that has worked so hard to get to where I am now, so freaking badly wants to hit that goal. To say I did it. I know...I KNOW...the scale doesn't justify who you are. But it IS a measuring tool. And damn it. Ive worked so hard for over 26 months. And to come up short? FRUSTRATING. Beyond measure.
I can no longer push my body like I want to because of my injury. Again, very very very thankful for what I did do. HOWEVER. Its doesn't mean Im not allowed to be sad that I can't get to where I want to be. " Oh you look fine now" You are right..I do look fine now. But that's not what its about. It's about accomplishing something I set out to do. A goal that I set back on 11/5/2018.
The point of this is not to brad. Its to bring awareness to how this process can make people around you feel. To do everything the same that I did to get me here? And now it no longer works. Its really hard.
Again. So thankful what I've done. But it does sting that I can't get to where I want to be ❤
Just a little insight into the mind of me.
Weight loss is hard.
Mental Health is hard.
Put them together? OH boy. lol
Lw: 159
CW: 164 5'8"

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